The American Society for Reproductive Medicine released the results of their most recent study, and the verdict is in: A link between has been established between poor sperm count and the number of hours a day that men use their cell phones.

Researchers from Cleveland, New Orleans, and Mumbai, India took a close and careful look at more than 360 men. Gentlemen using their phones for more than four hours a day registered a 25 percent lower sperm count than those who had never used a cell. Interesting results to be sure, but what blows me away is the fact that they have found men who have yet to use a cell phone. Do they not text their sweeties when the lights go out?
Even more startling is the discovery that these same chatter boxes experienced a 50 percent drop in their number of properly formed sperm.

You’ve heard it here first: talking on the phone not only means you’ll never get to take your son on that fishing trip in the Poconos - he wont exist - but you are currently striding the streets of fair Manhattan with a coin purse full of mutant tadpoles.