I came across this article full of huge, engorged words that all seem to say one thing: Watermelons have viagra-like effects on the human body. That last sentence started with the words ‘I came.’ Can you believe it?
Here’s your homework assignment: have sex tonight. Consider this the control for our experiment. Now, eat as much watermelon as you can this week, copulating again on Saturday. Same partner. Same positions.
We’ll check in again at the end of the week to see how things came out. Came out. Double whammy.…
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From Aviary Express in Oklahoma City:
“Birds will be shipped via airlines. We ship on Continental, American, and Delta Monday through Friday. We can put up to fifty parakeets per box, and up to eight boxes strapped together for as low as $100.00 per shipment.”
50 parakeets per box, up to 8 boxes per load…
Can you imagine what a 400-parakeet clusterbomb would sound like arriving on your doorstep? What it would smell like? A palette of parakeets…
This seems more than vaguely cruel and horrific. Maybe they sedate the birds,…
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LVHRD member Karin Partin sent us this transcript from the thick of things last night: 3 train from Clark Street to Utica Ave. We’re grateful to Karin for putting herself in the line of fire and for being able to write so damn fast. She swears that what follows is absolutely true.
CHARACTERS
BLACK WOMAN (40s)
Long black skirt, sweatshirt, and a blue shawl around her head. She has two big black suitcases, three trash bags tied in a knot and two black duffel bags.
WHITE GUY (30s)
Red sporty jacket, light jeans, white hair.…
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Before we’re so quick to embrace YELLOW as the color of unfettered, leap-springing joy and carefree songbirds, let’s take a look at the checkered past this color has done much to cover up.
Most people know YELLOW is the classic color of jealousy, treachery, cowardice, lethal fever and putrid journalism. In the Thai Solar Calendar YELLOW is even the color of Mondays. MONDAY. How much worse can it get?
Plenty.
The word YELLOW comes from the Proto-Germanic word gelwaz, appearing for the first time in Beowulf to describe a shield built from…
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Proactiv is the best face-wash I have ever used. Hands down. End of discussion. I have never considered another product since I started using it about 6 years ago.
That said, buying Proactiv has always been somewhat of a frustration. You can order it online at Proactiv.com, but only by agreeing to have it automatically re-ordered every month for something like $49.95. So even if I don’t use up my supply every month it automatically gets re-ordered and delivered, which I don’t like. I want to control when I get…
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“Memory and Forgetting” from NY Public Radio explores what memories are–physically–and how they actually work. Takes you right into the realm of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: actually erasing memories.
Part of the story focuses on a man named Clive Wearing, the man with the most severe case of amnesia ever recorded. He has a 7 second memory.
Utterly mind-blowing stuff.
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According to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the Babel Fish is the oddest thing in the universe. This video explains why and also disproves the existence of God. Poof. Goodbye.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dcncPpQ8loA
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We might have been at the forefront of this lumberjack craze with ARCH DL IV, but the History Channel is hot on our heels with AX MEN, an American original in HD.
The “American Original in HD” part is apparently an attempt to brand logging as part of Manifest Destiny, which it is, so…
The show follows a four companies of “tree fallers” as they deforest the Pacific Northwest, showing off the “paper cuts” that have left them with prosthetic arms, 9 toes and steel plates at various critical…
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Which mythical team of super-oxen will crush the other into groveling sobs of wretched defeat in front of 10 million people?
This horde or this horde?
The way the Super Bowl is branded makes it so obvious we hunger for the return of crusader armies and civil war picnics: Bill Belichick pacing the sidelines like some old smoke-breathed general. Give the man a horse. Give him Traveller.
This does not mean we don’t enjoy football. Quite the opposite. Just call it what it is: play-war.
So where does one get down with…
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The NY Times reports that hot water contains more lead than cold water.
To which we reply, Who the hell cares?
Long ago we came to terms with our slow an inevitable death and the hands of the world’s poisonous machina.
Unless you are heralding the imminent arrival of Beelzebub himself from a fiery fissure in the earth’s crust, please shut up about mankind’s surely failing collective experience on this planet.
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Good - YAAAWWNNN - Morning.
We’re almost ready, just adding the finishing touches to our ballot-counting machine for the ARCH DL voting later today. Did you know you have to un-corrupt those things? Right out of the box, they instantly bleep ‘Bush wins.’
That’s not much of a joke for 10am, but then again, it turns out we haven’t been maximizing our caffeine intake each morning. This table lays it all out for you.
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Dress like a lumberjack or dress like a woodland creature tomorrow night at ARCH DL IV.
For those of us who have not had the pleasure of wielding an axe in the defense of civilization, here’s a short refresher on the essential accoutrement you will need to pass yourself off as a lumberjack.
The forests of the world have known many varietals of lumberjacks, men aged with pine, birch and musk, bred for the needly embrace of the Spokane wind and the icy shards of Hokkaido. But for all their regional…
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