This morning, I reached a crossroads. Perhaps “in life,” but mostly literally: the intersection of Broome and Lafayette. Much like attempting to straddle the horses of love and lust, crossing that one-way street with the Do Not Walk sign glaring at me like HAL is a tricky, potentially disastrous undertaking. However, while looking north, I found the lull in the oncoming traffic I’d been hoping for. And oh, how I seized that opportunity.

But then IT happened. Just as I was beginning to wade through Lafayette (dang, it rained!) with my attention still fixed northward, a previously-undetected skateboarder came my way from the south. We crossed path, and not like ships in the night. That is, unless one was really an iceberg and the other an ill-fated ocean liner about which bad jokes still persist.

This was a slow speed collision: I didn’t knock him off his board, I just brought him to a stop. But as he took one foot off, I put one foot on. The skateboard careened out from underneath me and down the street. But at least it scuttled with the flow of traffic and toward the curb. As for me, I went with gravity.

The skateboarder was a nice professional guy, not some spiky-haired hooligan (not that there’s anything wrong with being one), and he helped me up. We laughed it off. Maybe, if we met up again later for drinks, we would’ve found something in common, become fast friends and all that. He’s seem like a pretty swell guy.

My message to Joe Biden, the Democratic vice presidential nominee AND a candidate for re-election in the U.S. Senate this November? BE THIS MAN.

A month ago, Alaskan governor Sarah Palin (who is not up for re-election this year) burst onto the Great American Politiosphere after Republican presidential nominee John McCain peeped her for his veep. Palin eclipsed both major prez wannabes and Biden, who found himself no longer the most popular politician with two-syllable names that end with the sound generated by “-in” or “-en.” In fact, I’m even not sure which ending his surname goes with, that’s how far obscure he’s become! That, or I should listen to my news, rather than reading it.

But despite the bulk of text I’ve devoted to describing my own mishaps, this isn’t about me; it’s about Biden. EVERYONE went batsheet crazy over Palin, much more so than they did over China’s planned spacewalk attempt: sure, she’s received the expected / respected buzz and prominence, but Palin’s also been embraced by our culture. I mean, there are t-shirts, there are crop circles (ok, just this one), and a plethora of Photoshops involving her, most of which I’d rather not link to.

Now, Biden doesn’t need to have his head digitally replace that of an adult film actor, but he does have to come out of hiding. The pro-Obama crowd wants a change from the “Bush Regime,” so the last thing they need is another veep who can disappear with the greatest of ease. And besides, with Palin’s political (not cultural) image taking some damage after uneasy appearances on TV and the economic snafubarOMGsux bringing McCain away and then back to the debates and off Letterman’s buddy list. The time’s right for Biden to come back from wherever he’s gone. (Wherever the media hasn’t bothered looking, really.)

Palin’s already seized her opportunity to surprise America like the well-meaning skateboarder we never knew was coming. Now it’s her competitor’s turn.

Biden, I’ll just repeat: BE THE MAN WHO RAN INTO ME TODAY!
Find some way to finagle yourself and your running mate back into the spotlight, man!